I remember fantasizing about starting my blog. The idea of writing and sharing my thoughts on a platform where people would read them and possibly engage was enticing, exciting and somewhat empowering. I’d think of all the topics I wanted to write on and how I would write it. There was so much that I wanted to inject into the world- it was going to be fun!
I spent plenty of time “studying” about blogs from blogs that are based purely on starting a blog. I absorbed information about hosts, plug-ins, and how to attract more readers like a hungry mosquito soaking up the blood of its prey. Though somewhere along the line while gaining valuable information, I lost the plot.
Blogging was still an idea I wanted to implement but held back on for a few reasons:
I didn’t have any real content except for ideas that I wanted to explore,
American hosting sites with their fancy dollar signs were too expensive for the South African budget,
and that through my quest on learning, I taught myself that the only reason to blog is to gain a huge following.
On a day that I don’t remember very well, I stumbled upon a friend’s blog(aurorablog.co.za), wasn’t I excited to learn that she did not pay much for having her site hosted with a South African Hosting company- Here I come world, your future famous blogger!
I got myself a domain name, not a very smart one according to all the blogging tips I’ve read, nonetheless, a domain name. I spent days setting up my site, picking out a template and figuring out how plug-ins work ( I still don’t really understand how they work). Glued to my screen for the longest, my site was up and running, all that was left was to upload content and BOOM- I realize, I’m a bad writer.
I couldn’t produce the type of content that I thought I should be producing, no matter what I wrote, it wasn’t as good as the rest of the internet. Paragraphs were too lengthy, bad grammar, couldn’t choose a catchy enough topic, titles were boring… I kept encountering issues, I didn’t feel relevant. Maybe I needed practice is what I thought, write more blog posts, refine myself through training, and eventually I would figure out what the people want, I will fit the internet.
Still, with all the writing and editing, I couldn’t make anything worthwhile. I couldn’t stop comparing myself and feeling inferior, I was too embarrassed to put anything else out there.
Months have gone by, and my blog remains quite empty.
Featured image – Alex Gold Studios