The Beetlesaur

To 16 year old me –

You’re not fat

You are  healthy and functional. The shame you feel towards your bulging chest, thicker thighs, shorter limbs, and larger forehead is nonsense. Your form is wonderfully tailored, just deviating from the conventional standards of the little town you find yourself in.

 

You’re not ugly

There is no need to wish you look like them. Those make-overs where you are put into something you will never be comfortable in,  to fit their “beautiful” or “presentable” does not make you prettier.  beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and some visions cannot behold what is an anomaly to their normal.

 

You’re not stupid

You speak with conviction and it is difficult for them to understand your words that do not carry what they are familiar with. They are not interested in the issues that matter to you, therefore they will not want to listen.

 

You are not annoying

You are trying too hard to fit in a paper puzzle when you are made of steel. Your difference cannot be covered up so easily, and no matter how you try, your shine  still leaks through the cracks of fakeness you embalm yourself in, playing the part of sheep. Thus “annoying”, when your repressed self resists being molded.

 

You are silly

You do not need boys to like you as confirmation of your worthiness, nor do you need girls to want to befriend you as confirmation of your presence. If anything, every one of those who seem to see you as not fitting in, may see themselves as not fitting in enough.

None of it matters

your obsession over these flighty moments is laughable. The size of your eyes, to the yellow colour under your nails, are fleeting and fickle, if you only knew, how little all this matters, you’d laugh at yourself too.

16 year old me, If you could hear me tell you this, I know you will not listen to me.

Your insecurities are going to lead you into making bad choices, choices that will leave you crumbled into pieces for a time period you think will never end.

It’s okay though, because eventually you will shed your sheep skin and rise into the ranks of “ I don’t give a fuck” and “ I will prosper” ,joining a pack who were just like you, at 16.

 

 

 


References:

Featured image- Jor Ros

2 Comments

This is great!

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Thank you!

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